You and I
by Yaoi flame
Summary: During VK and VK Guilty, what was really happening? Clash of loyalties, yin and yang, twists, turns, angst, lovemaking, tears, blood.
1. Worlds that Collided

**AN**: I've been studying for a month for the exam I'm having this Friday. And I'm so exhausted, too many facts and unnecessary information make my brain boil. I have yet to fill it with a lot of crap, but I dunno if I can anymore. So I'm gonna write this story in order to relax, and then take a nice, relaxing bath. Good plan, eh? And you please be kind and review after reading this. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Vampire Knight, this is only a fanfiction. This story belongs to me.

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Kaname/Zero**

**Genre: Romance/Angst**

**You and I**

**Chapter 1: Worlds that Collided**

They had been doing this for quite some time now. He would come to his room, never bothering to take a better look at it. He would just come to finish the business, and leave as quietly as he had come. The other party never cared to change their routine, as well. It was a business in a sense. And it was simple. A simple trade of goods, as Kaname liked to name it in his mind. He loved Yuuki. And Zero loved Yuuki. And he needed blood, in order to be stable and be able to protect her. And they were doing it only because of her. Well, initially, they did.

But that particular day, when Kaname entered Zero's room, he found the silver haired youth sprawled out on his bed, reading some kind of a textbook, and frowning as if he was going to rip it into pieces. Never in their time knowing each other had Kaname seen Zero so concentrated on something that was most likely related to school. The vampire hunter was obviously studying for some exam, and was trying really hard. But it seemed that he was having hard time following. Kaname smirked at this. He would often hear from Yuuki about Zero's frequent absence from classes. Not that the pureblood particularly cared, mind you. It was just that it had to do with Yuuki, something she wanted to share with him. So he'd listened. And memorized. And now he found himself in wonder. Zero was actually studying.

His smirk was of sadistic nature. He liked to see Zero suffering. Even if it was school-related, it still made him suffer. He cleared his throat in order for the other boy to look at him.

"I have come to get it over with and leave as soon as I can, please." he said. He hated staying in this dark place named Kiryuu Zero's room. Not that he had ever taken a good look at it, but the atmosphere was dark even for a vampire. Something akin sorrow was lingering in the air, so heavy, so torturous. And Kaname had his share of suffers, thank you very much. He never cared to know more about Zero than he already knew. This unpleasant air of someone who was not a lowlife human being, but some pitiful mixture of a vampire hunter and a vampire who had pureblood's blood within his body, was not something Kaname wanted to inhale.

Zero looked up at him, with a dose of hatred in his eyes, of course. He closed his textbook and made some space for Kaname to sit next to him. He was feeling fine, but he didn't refuse a new dose of blood from the dark haired boy. It would prove useful to him later, he mused. To prolong his normal state. Kaname sat beside him, and broke the skin on the side of his neck with his fingernail, tilting his head to the right, in order for Zero to have a better access. The white haired boy dug his fangs deep into the flesh, gripping with his left hand the dress shirt Kaname wore. The blood tasted metallic. Zero always yearned for more, but would always restrain himself. Just a bit of blood was enough. Ten to twenty gulps. No more and no less. Even though he despised the vampire next to him, he was grateful for the blood given to him. He would not drink it all.

Kaname placed his hand on Zero's back, to still the vampire hunter and make sure he took equal gulps. He certainly didn't want Zero to become greedy and take more than necessary. He was looking at the books scattered on the bed. Maths. He smirked. There was one notebook opened, and Kaname took a peek, noticing that Zero had started the equation well, but probably the number he got as a result for x, which was 27, he changed into 72 by mistake. Just a permutation, but later on, it'd made him confused and he couldn't finish it to the end. The paper was almost torn by harsh movements of the eraser. Poor guy, Kaname thought. He must've been thinking of Yuuki or something. And he was probably pissed because of the unsolved task.

He could feel Zero's throat spasm, and the boy soon let go of him. He stood up to wash his mouth. Kaname's eyes followed him for the first time, in curiosity, to the sink in one corner of the room. It was a simple sink, and a simple room. Dark wallpaper, one closet, bed, a nightstand, a lamp, a window, and a curtain. No desk. So simple. Kaname wondered why there wasn't the desk. Zero was a student, and in the dorm, in every room, naturally, there were at least two desks. He found it awkward, much like everything else about Zero.

"I can help you with your problem." he said. Zero didn't even look at him.

"I don't need your help." he muttered darkly.

"You just wrote 72 instead of 27." Kaname said. But it wasn't just that. Zero couldn't understand other things regarding that equation, that didn't have anything to do with the wrong number. He had figured it out by himself, but didn't bother to change the number.

"I know that. It's not it." he said. Kaname raised his delicate eyebrow. Such a strange boy, he thought. The very idea of him being slightly interested in Zero's peculiar way of thinking and behaving was out of the question. Zero was a pitiful mongrel, wasn't he? Why would Kaname care, when he'd greeted him nicely when they first met as small children, and was attacked by Zero just because he was a pureblood? Just because he was a vampire? But he asked anyway.

"Then what is it?"

"It's none of your business. You can leave now." but he was hesitant while saying it. His voice was low and shaky, as if he was changing his mind. When Kaname took a better look at his face, he saw bags under his eyes. "You can't solve the problem? I can help you. Yuuki told me you're having an exam tomorrow and that it is very hard, even for you." he chuckled. "I helped her with it today. God she was scared! Is that exam so important?"

"We will have to repeat the year if we fail it." Zero said and reluctantly sat next to Kaname. "So, Kuran, you said you knew how to do it?" even though he hated it, to admit his defeat, to ask for help from Kaname, he let him stay. He let him stay, and they stayed for hours, practicing. It wasn't until midnight that they noticed how late it was. Luckily the students of the day class were studying hard as well, so they couldn't come and bother the night class. Yuuki probably hadn't had much work other than to escort the vampires to the classrooms.

So Kaname stayed up until one am. And the two actually started talking about other things. Neither of them knew how and why. They just talked. Of course, Kaname more than Zero, but the vampire hunter listened, and nodded from time to time. Then Kaname left for his classes. And Zero remained alone and confused. 'I let him stay because he wouldn't leave anyway and Yuuki would be pissed if I used force to throw him out', he thought.

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In the blink of an eye, the next time when he needed blood, Kaname sat and helped him do his English essay. Neither he asked for his help, nor Kaname offered him his help. They simply sat and did it.

"What are you doing?" Kaname asked out of politeness.

"An English essay." Zero replied unwillingly, wiping his mouth. Kaname picked up the notebook and looked at the draft.

"Hmmm..." he said. "I think you should change your thesis statement. It should be more intense." he advised. And so they sat and did it together. Again, Zero tried to justify it with him not wanting to make Yuuki pissed because he kicked Kuran's ass. But the truth was that Kaname looked less hostile towards him in their hours of joint studying. He looked a bit friendly, in fact. Still, Zero resented him and was very cautious when it came to him. Deep scars in his heart, all the things he'd been through with Ichiro, Shizuka, Yagari-sensei, his parents....A smashed dream, replaced by other significant people, different species he belonged to now, and enemies. It bothered him.

Seriously, who wouldn't be scared to hell watching their parents dying, their brother betraying with a smile on his face, and that same brother who was endlessly loved saying he hated them? And vampires messing him up, making something awful of him, a monster, a collateral damage, a person who loved with all his passion, but was never loved...He had no usual childhood and adolescence. He had nothing to grasp but air. And new powers that terrified him. All of it made him resent vampires, especially Kuran Kaname, who'd stolen Yuuki from him, who resented him back. Why did he let him stay longer than necessary and talk about his childhood memories with Yuuki? Why would he let the vampire help him with school?

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And their meetings went on, in some other places, during weekends, when they would meet in bookstores, sat to drink coffee or tea together and discuss their newfound mutual interest--literature. It started with brief conversations, then with exchanging books, then discussing about books read, and so on. Kaname was so passionate when talking about some great poet or novelist, or some novel or poem he found absolutely fantastic or utterly awful, and Zero would listen with great interest. Not that his face expression changed or anything, not that he looked at Kaname when said man was speaking, but he listened while staring at his tea or coffee, or anything that was not Kuran Kaname. He listened anyway, and briefly, without any enthusiasm in his voice, said his own opinion on the subject. Although his replies were usually brief, Kaname could see profoundness; the way Zero could tell the very essence of the subject was simply astonishing.

The vampire caught himself liking the way Zero spoke, the way he illustrated his point with not much of a vocabulary. It sounded raw and tender at the same time, when he spoke about his love for literature, about anything regarding it. Zero was not refined, not distinguished, but there was some grace in the way he just existed; he just sat there and said this and that, held the mug of hot chocolate in his hands, while staring at it. There was some sorrow in his eyes, but also some kind of a relief. And fear. He was so complex, so paradoxical, so interesting of a specimen. But, of course, the vampire would never admit something like that. At least not out loud. He was that kind of a person who knew where his heart lay, who was never confused, and he knew that it was inevitable for him to feel a bit of kindness and admiration for the boy. He had to acknowledge it. It would be futile to deny it, anyway. But some kind of his old feelings for Kiryuu Zero-- hatred and despise, still remained. He simply couldn't help it but allow the things to develop in an unknown direction. It was too amazing and too confusing, and too dangerous.

Later on, they decided that they should hold their meetings at more secret places; not that anybody had found out about their friendship (if you could call it that) yet, but some precaution couldn't hurt, right? They had to keep it secret from both vampires from school and humans. They were archenemies for the public, and their sudden friendship would definitely cause many rumors and such. And, given the fact that there was a silent war led between some vampires, such as Rido, who hadn't awoken yet, and the rest of the vampires and humans, their friendship being discovered certainly didn't go to their advantage. Plus, it was more exciting this way. Because of these reasons, they found some secluded locations for their meetings.

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Their discussions about literature turned somehow into something more meaningful. Kaname expressed the desire to taste some of Zero's blood, wondering what it tasted like. He was such a mixture, such an exotic creature, and Kaname wanted to know more about the nature of this boy, about his darkest secrets and feelings. He would discover just a little bit of Zero's world. If he wanted to know it all, he'd have to kill Zero. And currently, he didn't have the reason to do so. So just a little bit of blood would be enough.

Zero, of course, could not object, since he was indebted to Kaname by drinking his blood over the course of time. He lay down on his bed, unbuttoned his shirt, and let Kaname lay beside him, dig his powerful, bloodthirsty fangs into his long, pale neck. To break the tattooed skin. To suck greedily, like he never sucked before. Zero was such a cocktail of blood. Yuuki's blood, a bit of his twin brother's blood, Kaname's own blood, Shizuka's blood...So many familiar bloods. So many different tastes, mingling, making this new, sensational drink. Something only Kaname was allowed to drink. He was ready to give as much as Kaname wanted, anyway, since he didn't value his life so much.

He had tried to kill himself, but Yuuki stopped him once. And he remained in this world of living only because of her. He didn't care if Kaname killed him, though. It'd been three months since he first talked with Kaname about literature. Kaname sometimes talked about other things, as well. He never said anything big or some secret, but he'd always tell some crucial things about lives of vampires such as Aido and others. He talked about slaying the Level Es. He talked about the endless war between desire to bite and desire to protect humans; about the thin line between being a civilized, tolerant vampire and a disgusting beast like Level Es. The temptation. The struggle. And a big amount of good will. The iron will to endure.

It amazed Zero, but he never entirely believed it. Years of hating vampires had made him the way he was. How come that they turned out to be good guys, after all?! He wondered, and took all Kaname's word with skepticism, but he kept it to himself. There was honesty and sadness in Kaname's voice.

The pureblood drank, wanting to discover more of Zero's background, originally because he wanted to know who the hell this guy was, a genius for literature. It struck him like a thunder, caught him off guard. Endless sorrow, images of two corpses, one male, one female, an enormous amount of blood, ambivalence that grew towards so many people...and himself as well. Kuran Kaname was, for once, touched. Deeply. And he immediately let go, not wanting to be swept away by such intense images, emotions, sordidness yet purity of Zero's vast, troubled heart. It tore him. It made his own heart bleed.

He looked at Zero, hoping that he hadn't taken much. The taste of his blood was bittersweet and metallic. He saw his tired face, eyes half-open, such a blissful state. The boy was about to pass into deep slumber. He still held Kaname tight. He was obviously not aware of Kaname letting go. So Kaname shook him a bit, and the boy slightly winced.

"I'm afraid I took too much." he tilted his head. "Here, take some of mine."

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Months had passed. Kaname would steal glances at Zero whenever he could, noting that his behavior towards Yuuki changed drastically. He never talked to her, never mentioned her, and never looked after her. He simply stopped. Kaname wondered why it was, but he kind of felt glad. He was sure now, that Zero had taken too much of him. It wasn't much of a significance. It was just some larger amount of kindness he felt. A crush, perhaps, since whenever he saw the vampire hunter, his body reacted in awkward ways. His palms were sweaty, his heart nervous, and all that symptoms he hadn't been familiar with up until now. He always thought of them as exaggeration. But not anymore. His heartache grew with every following day. Zero looked beautiful in his eyes, like a precious jewel. His rare words were like a bird's song. His meetings were making him endlessly happy and fulfilled.

He never denied his new feelings. He kept them deep inside, and never revealed them. He knew that this friendship wasn't possible and that it wouldn't last long. This lovely truce would be soon over. Let alone a relationship. It couldn't even begin. It would die as an embryo. Another catch was that if Zero drank any more of his blood, he would soon discover his feelings. He didn't know what the boy would think of him then. Would it make a huge rift between them? Maybe that would be the best for them. To return to their old positions. But the greater fear Kaname had was, what if Zero harbored the same feelings as him?

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**AN: **I wanted this to be a oneshot, but it kinda became this long, and so much analytical, so I decided to make it a multi chapter story. Maybe two or three chapters. Still dunno. But the idea is there! Please be kind to read and review. I won't update if I don't receive at least 6 reviews, so that I would know that somebody's actually reading this! :) Sex and lovey-dovey things in the next chapter!


	2. Ambivalence

**AN:** Wow. This is really a happy day! I never thought that I'd receive this many reviews. And I never believed that I'd pass the exam with the highest grade! I almost passed out when I heard! So this is a double YAY!

Thank you for reading this, and please be kind to read and review this chapter as well. Enjoy!

**You and I**

**Chapter 2: Ambivalence**

If you asked Kaname, he would stop giving blood to Zero immediately. He wouldn't risk to be discovered by the white haired boy; to let him know how he felt. He'd rather masturbate all his life. Or, which was more probable, sleep with other people. Even though he harbored romantic feelings for his greatest rival, he could still be ruthless and leave him die in agony. The only thing that was keeping him from doing so was Yuuki.

.

There is one thing that the reader should keep in mind. Kuran Kaname did love Yuuki. It was only natural. She was his cousin, after all. His sister, if you could call her that, but he really wasn't her brother, but rather a reincarnation of the founder of the Kuran clan. He had been very fond of her when she was really little, when she was so adorably ignorant and innocent, because it was natural for the girls of her age to be like that. But now, she represented nothing to him but someone who was necessary in order to give birth to the new pureblood successors of the Kurans. She was nothing more than the set of proper genes and a uterus. He hated to admit this fact, too, as he hated to admit his affections for the vampire hunter, that her behavior annoyed him to no end. Of course, you couldn't see it on his face, couldn't hear it in his voice, or notice it in his behavior. But under many layers of clothes, skin, muscles, cells, there it was--annoyance. He was deeply disappointed. It had turned out that Yuuki was an extremely shallow and selfish individual, torn between her sexual desires toward both Zero and he. But she always pretended she didn't know what eroticism was. She was pretending to be naive, deeply believing that she looked cuter that way.

But Kaname never realized he was disappointed with her until he drank Zero's blood. Only when he had gotten to know him better, did he distinguish some crucial features that made Yuuki and Zero so different; he now knew the facts that made Zero, believe it or not, a higher creature in his eyes, higher than Yuuki had ever and would ever be. Yuuki always lived in a terrible turmoil; everything had always been dark around her; all that despair, restless nights, all her worries and preoccupations...Nobody had ever asked her to worry for them. Nobody had ever asked her to save any of them. But she always insisted in involving with everything that had to do mostly with Zero; some probably 'sacred', mission of hers to save him. From what? And how?! By tempting him and then rejecting him?! By pretending she didn't know how much he was in love with her; how he would give up on everything just because of her, and that he lived only because of her?! And most painfully, by making him feel bad for her and her sorrow; by making him be the one to save her from herself and the turmoil that she had created with her two hands. The turmoil that otherwise wouldn't even exist. Everybody had always been trying to keep her out of harm's way.

The turmoil in which Zero lived had been created by others; he never wanted it himself, he even smiled when he was a kid. Once Kaname overheard the talk between Yagari-sensei and Cross Kaien. They talked about the old days, and Yagari mentioned how 'that brat always had a goofy smile and unnatural fondness for his sick twin brother.'

"He was such a sissy" he'd said. "But he was a happy and fulfilled kid. He always smiled."

"Too bad that life made him never smile again." Kaien replied, tenderly. "Poor child." who would ever believe that once the best vampire hunter had such a tender and caring heart? But he had. And he had a funny side as well. Something that Yagari would always ponder on, eternally wondering how.

Kaname hadn't known what to make of it. His chest felt awfully tight, his heart didn't even pound, his breathing never existed before that day. It was as if he'd been created that day, all over again, realizing how humans felt, and still unable to believe that a morbid kid like Zero actually knew how to smile. He used to be a normal, happy child. He used to be so ordinary. And it had all been snatched from him. He never complained; he never let anybody pity him. He had a strong, Spartan personality. He had never shed a tear. Yes, there was a difference between genders; but Yuuki's pretense to be compassionate was what prevailed. Instead of really worrying for him, she invented her own world full of sufferings. So fraud.

Yet he decided to leave this great man in life just because of one selfish brat named Yuuki. What an irony. He bitterly smiled at it, while letting Zero drink the last, fifth gulp. It had been a month since he realized how he felt. Zero's need for blood had become more frequent, which, on top of everything else, worried Kaname.

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Zero was holding him tightly in his embrace, while sucking greedily. The amount of blood allowed to him had decreased, which left him bewildered, a bit angered, and very frustrated. It was like an addiction, that metallic taste turning into something sweet and sour. He didn't know why Kaname had stopped giving him his ordinary ten to twenty gulps. His body was used to it, and the lack of blood was such a shock to his organism. A whimper escaped Kaname's throat. Never had he whimpered during this; never had he made a slightest grimace. But that day his eyes were clouded, his vision blurred and look lost somewhere God knew where; his breathing was shallow and uneven, almost feverish, his cheeks blushing. Zero noticed this, yet his sadistic side didn't allow him to stop. He wanted to punish Kaname for his selfishness. He wanted to take more than it was granted.

Somewhere around thirty gulps he wanted to let go, even though he could've drank more. His thirst was still there. When he released Kaname, wiping his bloody mouth with a towel that lay next to him, the vampire didn't stand up. His breathing was still frantic, his cheeks still hot, his white shirt wet with sweat. This session had been exceptionally erotic to Kaname, who still couldn't recover. He was unable to move; every fang of Zero's, every his suck had something of an orgasmic intensity. His body had been convulsing in Zero's embrace. The dark haired boy took a quick look at his pants, sighing in relief that he wasn't aroused at all. He had never experienced anything similar to this, and he felt embarrassed. Zero looked at him in silent wonder. Then he frowned. Something was wrong. Something acidic was burning inside of him.

The white haired youth grabbed his own throat, coughing. It must have been that he had overdosed. Kaname knew what was going on. He was sitting beside him, waiting patiently for Zero's little agony to pass. Zero was coughing violently, throwing up some of the blood on the white sheets. He didn't know what was going on, except for the terrible emptiness in his heart, and a strong abdominal pain. He rushed to the sink and gripped the edges of it desperately, feeling his abdominal muscles convulsing to the point where Zero thought they would snap. He vomited so much blood, that he didn't even know if it was entirely Kaname's. The terrible, agonizing pain wouldn't stop, he couldn't breathe in, and he was suffocating. He was moaning and groaning, sweat dripping from his forehead and falling into the sink, mixing with the crimson fluid. He couldn't think about anything; his mind was completely blank at that time. All he could see was the whiteness of the sink marred with so much blood.

When the seizure had stopped, Zero felt as if he was going to pass out. All the strength had been drained from him. On his way to bed he was stumbling. Kaname never lifted a finger to help them; all he did was to sit and wait patiently. His eyes were somewhat terrified but endlessly proud, Zero thought when he looked at him. His new friend now helped him get into bed, and he tucked him in. At this point Zero knew that he had taken too much of somewhat altered blood. It was too strong for him. Something strange lingered in his mouth, and he licked his dry lips. He felt better now, somewhat lighter and sleepy. Some kind of tranquility fell upon him like a light veil, as he looked deep into Kaname's eyes.

He couldn't understand the message. He knew what was going on, yet he couldn't form his opinion about this. He hated things that confused him. He didn't even want to ponder on it longer than this millisecond. It was enough for him to know that this was leading to their final separation; they could return to the old roles they once had and never mention this incident. He knew anyway that this friendship was impossible from the start. He had to turn his back on Kaname now; it was the finest opportunity for him. Right this moment, without regret, without consequences. Right this instant. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to let go. On the other hand, the blood that remained in his mouth, the remnants of some refined, sweet taste made him feel enchanted. The quality of those emotions was extraordinary. 'Such beautiful emotions' he thought. 'Maybe the only thing that could make me regret this. But only if I don't react right now'. And so he turned his head away from Kaname, staring at the wall. A clear answer.

Kaname knew this all along, that such outcome was inevitable. He sighed in relief. It was better to end it this way, before they indulged way too much. Kuran Kaname, once a rational person, had stirring, irrational emotions devouring him from the inside. He nodded and stood up, taking the last look at Zero, who was already asleep. He completely understood the situation; it was a dead end; it had to be over one way or another, yet he had this small hope pulsing like the smallest star in the universe, that the feelings would be returned. But what then? Even if they started at least physical relationship, they could develop addiction, and it would lead to self destruction. Even if they developed the finest relationship, with so much understanding, moderate in everything, they would have to let it go. He closed the door behind and leaned against it. A new revelation appeared before him. 'This is called ambivalence, I presume' he thought. 'This is what I tasted in Zero's blood. This is what I feel towards him.'

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He didn't feel disgusted or anything. He could never feel disgusted, not at this point. Sometimes he would just sit and think about it for hours, desperately trying to grasp the thoughts and feelings that constantly escaped him. When he'd woken up after the incident, he felt so dreadful. He was trying to put on the scale what felt worse-- the seizure, his selfishness and blood thirst, this sudden revelation and the opportunity he had seen, sudden decision to look away and ignore Kaname. Even though he'd never been completely relaxed around him, even though he never completely trusted him, and even though he still couldn't define Kaname as a person, let alone the one with human characteristics, he entertained the thought that the vampire was somewhat hurt. And he felt terribly guilty. Who would have thought that their friendship would end so suddenly? He himself hadn't been prepared for it.

But seeing Kaname so proud and his usual self every time when he went for his classes, he hoped that he was fine, that he had already forgotten. He was forcing himself to believe that Kaname was just a willful son of a bitch, spoiled aristocrat who just wanted to fool around with him out of plain mockery. He wanted to see Kaname as a bad person, as a person he had once thought the Kuran heir was. Maybe that way he could deal with his own personal loss. But day after day his thoughts became more and more erratic, his mood extremely bad. He still loathed Kaname pretty much, that was true, and he would never trust any vampire. Unfortunately, the omnipresent and strong loathing was holding hands with--love.

He still continued with his usual practice--if he was attending lectures, he would just sit and do nothing. He didn't think about Kaname much, the feeling of guilt and dread was wearing off bit by bit, and his chest felt empty and he felt lonely. At that point he could only assume, but that assumption could very quickly turn into the undeniable fact--whichever path they chose, as lovers, friends, or enemies, they would always manage to hurt one another. It was inevitable. He looked out through the window. He couldn't even hear Yuuki calling out to him from below. The twilight was so colorless.

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The sound of soft classical music spread through the premises of the night class. Beautiful girls in their elegant, glittering cocktail dresses were scattered all over the yard and the ball room, laughing, dancing, and enjoying expensive and refined wines and desserts. Boys entertained them. Much to the contrast of the glittering white ball room, the outside was illuminated with candles. It was dim and romantic. People could choose to join the lively atmosphere inside or romantic, intimate conversations and other things in the darkness. It was the ball thrown by the almighty Kuran Kaname to entertain the crowd of his beloved vampires. But he, like Jay Gatsby, didn't like to attend the parties he threw very much. He never mixed with the crowd, or if he did, he would try to stay as short as possible.

This party was no exception. But instead of sitting on his improvised throne, he decided to stay in his room and observe from his enormous balcony. It appeared that everybody was having a good time, but at this point it didn't seem relevant. Because from the corner of his eye he could see a silhouette hiding in the trees of the nearby forest, almost unnoticeable, yet so obvious. It was moving among the trees, in slow, but determined steps, until it reached the very edge, almost showing itself. But it remained hidden from the moonlight and candles as to not be seen by other vampires. It was hiding and lurking like a careful, clever carnivore. And then it stopped moving. It appeared as if it was looking straight into Kaname's direction. Then it extended its arm and showed with its index finger to follow him.

Kaname already knew who it was, although it seemed impossible to him at first. But then again, it wasn't Zero's first time to sneak like this and observe the parties Kaname threw. But that was mostly because Yuuki's presence there. Zero never trusted vampire. As always, she'd been making him worry. However, Yuuki was nowhere to be seen. The vampire couldn't sense her presence at all. The dark haired boy was slightly surprised, and couldn't hide the fact that he was glad Zero had come just to see him, even though he couldn't think of any logical reason of Zero's sudden appearance. So he went downstairs and sneaked out .

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Even though eager to see the vampire hunter, he kept walking slowly towards the boy who was leaned against one of the trees. But before the boy could see him, someone else appeared in front of him. Kaname quickly hid behind the trees. He was standing close enough to distinguish their features. The twins were arguing, but he couldn't hear what they were talking about. He couldn't see neither of their faces, but their eager gestures, especially Ichiro's were more than visible. The boy practically screamed at his twin, waving with his hands to prove his point, but Zero just looked away, the same way he had looked away from Kaname a week earlier. The vampire moved closer so that he could hear better.

"Aren't you even listening?!" Ichiro screamed.

"You already disowned me." Zero said through his gritted teeth.

"I might hate you, but I don't want you to mess with Kuran Kaname. He's a dangerous guy. You have come here to meet with him, haven't you?"

"It's none of your business." Zero replied.

"It _is_ my damn business, Zero, and you know it very well. If you are to die, then I will kill you. Not that arrogant bastard. My master will take care of him when the time comes. " Zero clenched his fists, barely suppressing the urge to punch his brother. Who was he to decide?! Who was he to judge him?! He, who 'd given up on their family. He, who'd smiled at the bloody scene. An unfair massacre. But he...He couldn't punch him; not that pretty face...Not that tender, wonderful twin brother who he loved and had protected when they were little children. Pupil of his eye.

Unable to withstand, unable to decide, he closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head.

"Stop it, Ichiro."

"Why should I? Look how pathetic you are. You make me sick."

"Stop it."

"No I won't. Seriously, you are so, so,so.." Ichiro started cockily, but Zero couldn't hold it any longer. His fist met with Ichiro's pale cheek, and the boy fell to the ground.

"You psycho!" he screamed, staring at his brother in bewilderment. He obviously didn't count on this.

"I'll kill you! If you say a word more, I'll--"

".." Ichiro cut him off, standing up, and shaking his index finger before Zero's eyes. His voice was shaking, as if he was starting to cry. Zero shook his head, obviously regretting. He reached out his hands for his brother.

"Ichiro..."

"No!" Ichiro was shaking his head, leaving.

"Don't go, brother..." Zero was calling out to him, but nothing happened. Ichiro disappeared into the darkness. Still looking in his direction, Zero was shaking.

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Slowly, really slowly, Kaname approached and stood before him. Zero looked at him insolently. Despite the distress that was clearly visible on his face, he looked at Kaname insolently, desperately trying to show that the vampire was his only worry, that this encounter was all that mattered, and that he was in full strength. Kaname was taken aback by such great endeavor of Zero's, to remain collected all the way. To deny all the weakness, for his pride was so enormous.

"You wanted something from me?" he asked in a flat, quiet tone. If only he could somehow help. But he wasn't on Zero's side at all. His family affairs had never been his business. Zero gulped, but still kept staring at Kaname. He was too shy to make the first move, too stubborn to speak. He only prayed that Kaname hadn't seen a thing, or heard a thing.

"I asked something, Kiryuu." Kaname said, this time sharply. But Zero couldn't utter a sound. He knew exactly what he wanted, since he'd figured, if he was going to suffer anyway, then it didn't matter. They could be lovers, why not? They could screw, they could abuse each other, what difference would it make? If he was destined to suffer from Kaname, why wouldn't he suffer this way? In his embrace, so close, so warm, so tender...Yet so violent and dangerous, and lethal. Beautifully deadly. He didn't care what would happen to his life anyway.

"You want to fuck me, Kuran?" he asked a bit too straightforward for his taste. He enjoyed seeing his former friend shaken by this. Waiting for no reply, he just gripped Kaname's wrist and dragged him deeper into the forest. What difference did it make? His brother that wasn't. His lover and friend that wasn't. And Yuuki, who just wanted to monopolize them. Nothing had sense. Nothing mattered anymore. He just wanted to be swept away.

---

---

Beautiful, round apples were scattered all over the ground; the night birds sang their song, nested on the tree branches, watching the scene below them with not much interest whatsoever. Zero had difficult time walking with the apples beneath his feet, but he still tried to walk as eagerly as at the beginning. Kaname followed after him, not having much time to think about anything. He was desperately trying to maintain balance. Not many seconds later, Zero let go of his wrist, falling to the ground. He chuckled bitterly, silver bangs hiding his sad and infuriated eyes. He hadn't the will to stand up; it didn't make sense to him, and he was rapidly falling into despair. He was losing it, he knew, looking at the night sky. Why couldn't he admire the pretty stars and apples on the ground, and the joy of life? Why couldn't he heal at all? Just a little bit?

A tall silhouette stood before him, extending one hand to him. He looked at it with wonder. He looked at its owner, hesitantly accepting it. Kaname helped him stand up again. They stood so close now, their noses touching. Zero never bothered to remove the bangs from his eyes. A thumb ran over his slightly parted lips, making him lose his breath.

"I want to kiss you first." Kaname replied to the question asked many minutes earlier. He clutched the front of Zero's uniform, pulling him closer. He imagined Zero putting on his shirt, pants, tying his tie...And he wondered if the boy did it with respect towards those garments, or did it carelessly, in hurry. Did this school uniform mean anything to him; something like a symbol that he belonged somewhere. Or did it burn his skin? Was he aware how good he looked in it?

Slowly, hesitantly, he pressed his lips against Zero's, in front of the birds and apples, and trees, feeling one with nature, feeling harmony and disorder in his heart swirl. Zero placed his hands on Kaname's for a second, and then he placed them on Kaname's forearms, opening his mouth slowly, and closing it, with synchrony with Kaname's. It felt natural and was very slow. Kaname soon released him, looking at him, but saying no word. Nothing mattered anymore, as long as they accompanied each other to the deepest depths of hell.

---

---

**AN:** I really wanted to write a sex scene here, but this chapter turned out to be longer than I wanted it to be, so I had to stop here. I apologize. I made it so analytical again, and I'm sorry if I bored you to death. But please be kind and review this. Thanks for reading!


	3. Joys of Life

**AN:** Here, I finished it! I mean, this chapter! I hope you'll enjoy this, and please leave a comment! :) Guest characters: Idol-senpai and Wild-senpai! Yay!

**Warnings:** Very explicit, no wonder the rating is **M (not NC-17, but it could be in future chapters)**!!! You've been fairly warned, don't blame me later.

**You and I**

**Chapter 3: Joys of Life**

But as soon as they separated, Kaname saw that same shyness on Zero's countenance, the virtue the boy had always possessed. Just a half an hour ago, he had made such a bold proposal, his voice rough, eyes wild and insane, but now he returned to being his timid self, reserved, protected by the high walls of steel. Kaname reminisced about them being so close for almost a year, almost all the time together (if Kaname didn't skip classes at night, then Zero skipped his day classes), and that such behavior on Zero's part never occurred during that time. Then, he deduced, his distress must have caused him to act that way, out of unbearable despair, without even thinking.

Zero lowered his head, realizing what he had said and done, and having no clue as to what to do next, he simply stood there. The pureblood, noticing his hesitance, found that he should help him out. He simply brushed aside some of Zero's white hair from behind his ear, nibbling the sensitive ear shell, but the boy still didn't move, standing stiff, with his eyes firmly shut. At that point he couldn't decide whether it was wise to run away or give in.

He slightly winced as Kaname continued his ministrations, long fingers of his right hand entangled in his silver hair, warm air coming from the vampire's nostrils and tickling his neck. Warm, soft lips pressed themselves against his pale neck, moving slowly and teasing the soft skin. Even though the skin was soft, it didn't possess that refined softness of the one of a girl's. There was something raw to it, yet it felt so heavenly. Skillful tongue ran over the teased flesh, leaving trays of saliva from the crook of Kiryuu's neck to the area behind his ear. Now more eager, Kaname pushed him slowly, until the other boy's back gently met with the tree. He pressed Zero slightly with his body, placing his right knee between Zero's legs and placing his hands on each side of the boy's head. He couldn't help his curious mouth to explore further, the ear of the younger could be found between Kaname's teeth, three silver earrings clinking against them. He sucked the ear, at first slowly, then more eagerly, pressing Zero harder against the apple tree, his thigh brushing against Zero's still limp member.

At that moment Kaname wondered if Zero really meant what he had said earlier, even subconsciously. He wanted to know if Zero had any affections for him, or he was just too lost and too much in confusion that he regretted this now. A bit, just a little, little bit, the vampire became insecure; he needed reassurance. He wondered if had miscalculated something. If he had, then then he must have seemed pathetic in Zero's eyes; just a guy who would, without thinking, indulge in a reckless quick fuck. On the other hand, why would he care what Zero thought? He loved him as much as he hated him.

Zero whimpered, clutching Kaname's sleeves, uncertain whether he should pull him closer or push him away. Kaname could bet, and he wouldn't be far from truth at all, that the silver haired youth hated himself for whimpering. That meant he enjoyed it. Truthfully, Zero didn't know what he felt. He couldn't decide between right and wrong.

That deliciously melodious whimper made Kaname even more curious. His lips moved down again, sucking on the abused skin of Zero's neck, but this time his lips parted significantly; long, white fangs threatened pierce the neck; but Zero felt the danger lingering in the air and he gathered enough strength to push Kaname away, still breathless and dazed, yet endlessly angry. He punched the vampire. His breathing was heavy.

Kaname fell backwards, having stepped on one of the many apples that lay there. Zero jumped and straddled him, looking at him in fury, looking for proper words in his mental lexicon. The dark haired boy was too busy thinking of ways to overthrow Zero and drink a bit of his blood to notice a threatening fist. He wanted to feel just a hint of affection. Just a hint. He desperately needed to know what Zero thought about this whole situation. He himself couldn't define his current state of mind. But the fist never met with Kaname's face, for Zero froze, examining it, completely desolate.

"Is this what you want, Kiryuu?" Kaname asked in a somewhat teasing manner, unbuttoning his white shirt, revealing a swan-like neck to him. If anything, he could always recognize a yearning for blood in Zero's eyes. The latter licked his lips, but just stared at the exposed flesh. However, the temptation was unbearable, and the hunter, like many, many times before, gave in to his carnal instincts, leaned down, and dug his fangs into the other's neck as deep as he could. He sucked greedily, pulling at Kaname's hair as he did so. The latter was rubbing his hands against the younger boy's chest in rapid movements, visibly aroused, whimpering even though he didn't want to fall that low.

The vampire's brain sent electric signals down his spine, through all the synapses, making his muscles convulse. He struggled to keep his desires in check, but against his will, his legs parted and the laws of physics made Zero slide between them, unaware of it. He was still pulling at that brown hair, its fragrance mingling with the one of blood. He detached his fangs when he felt that Kaname was breathing slowly, but still discontinuously. He looked at the vampire, his moonlit face, his parted lips, lungs that were desperately trying to catch some air. Something hard was pressed against his crotch, and he realized that he wasn't straddling the boy anymore, but was, in fact, lying between his legs. Rather bewildered, he was still looking at Kaname, feeling neither disgusted nor aroused himself. But his heart pounded so loud, as if he had been doing some hard labor.

"Do you despise this situation, Kiryuu? Do you find yourself responsible for this?" Kaname asked in a low voice, stubborn and determined to deny that he had anything to do with this. No, he wasn't involved at all. It was ridiculous, to feel those silly feelings, let alone be so vulnerable and so hard.

"No. I deem both of us responsible." Zero replied. "Dunno what's going on, Kuran. Us even talking, let alone being in...this position."

"But you don't despise it." Kaname concluded for him.

"I don't know what to make of it." Zero snorted, all bitter. The irony of life, he thought. He could still feel Kaname's arousal. He tilted his head on one side, looking at Kaname in question. "Does the act of sucking your blood excite you so much?" He rubbed his own member against Kaname's, teasing him. He decided to be a ruthless sadist, now, when he had the chance, wanting to show with this act all his resentment.

"You too are aroused." Kaname pointed out, wincing at the friction. They acted as if they were competing, the good old feelings of rivalry and hatred reflected in their eyes, invisible in darkness. It was impossible to define their relationship at this point, and the feelings they had for each other. It was beyond all ambivalence as well. It definitely wasn't a relationship based on a love-hate principle. So what was it, then?

They couldn't blame one another for such a tough situation, for they were both involved and equally responsible. Kaname closed his eyes and sighed, feeling frustrated. His member got even stiffer than before. Perhaps it was alright for them to give in this one time, if nothing, and leave astray all this philosophy and pointless pondering. Seeing no other way, he ran his palm over Zero's cheek, pulling him down, placing a chaste kiss on his lips, only to shove his tongue all the way in the next second. He placed one of his hands on the back of the other's head, pulling him closer, making their teeth collide, their tongues going to the deepest depths of their respective oral cavities, swirling around each other, caressing each other tenderly and eagerly. Automatically, Zero's pelvis started its motions, his hard cock rubbing against Kaname's. He went back and forth with his entire body, while they were still sharing their long, deep kiss, their hearts ready to explode, their breathing shhallow, skin damp with sweat, their uniforms in disarray.

Zero moaned kind of voicelessly into Kaname's mouth, releasing his lips only to lick his chin, mouth still wide open, as if he were about to swallow him. His hands wandered about anywhere they pleased, going under Kaname's shirt, exploring fiercely. Kaname had already managed to undress Zero's upper half, admiring his pale skin, running his palms over his shoulders and arms. He was in fever, and so was Zero. He somehow reached to Zero's belt, unfastening it, pants sliding down his thighs until they stopped at Kiryuu's knees. The older of the two ran his palm up Zero's member, then removed the boxers, leaving Zero's bottom to be inspected by uninterested birds that still sang their midnight song.

Zero's face was flushed, his eyes clouded and mind blank, as Kaname stroked him several times, then abandoned his member and detaching his hungry lips from his neck. He shoved two fingers into Zero's mouth, soaking them in saliva and blood that remained there (which was not small amount at all, but not enough to leave Kaname unconscious or anything), sticky and sweet, and inserted his fingers forcefully into the hunter's anus. At this, Zero frowned, feeling a blinding flash of pain, and Kaname slowed down, massaging his prostate. The pleasure was not so intense at the beginning, and the pain was pretty much overwhelming, yet Zero felt as if he was about to purr. The vampire's blood and saliva were trickling down his thighs, scent spreading through the night. The younger was gasping and so was Kaname. The sight of Zero in ecstatic trance was almost too much to bear.

However, they were interrupted by two familiar voices coming from the distance. Kaname winced, pulled his fingers out, and at this, Zero snapped out of his trance and started to be aware of the voices himself. He slowly stood up, extended a hand to Kaname, and then dressed quickly. They hid behind one tree just in time to see two drunk vampires they soon recognized as Kain Akatsuki and Aido Hanabusa. The latter was walking backwards, dragging Akatsuki with him. Aido laughed.

"Will you forget about Ruka already? She's hopelessly in love with Kaname-sama, and there is no way she will ever appreciate all the things you do for her!" Aido waved with his hands to emphasize his words. "Never ever." Akatsuki cleared his throat.

"But you think that you are suitable for me, even though you are my cousin? Even though you are male? Hanabusa, be serious for once." he scolded his cousin.

"Well, incest has never been problem to vampires, right? What do purebloods do? They sleep with their siblings to keep their offspring pureblood as well."

"But we're not purebloods." Akatsuki pointed out, tired and bored of all Hanabusa's stupid reasoning.

"Believe me, in the world of vampires, almost everything is allowed!" Aido chuckled. "We're drunk anyway. Or so it may be our pretext, if you want." Akatsuki snorted. He deeply disagreed.

"Would you be satisfied with a kiss?" he asked, involuntarily.

"Better than nothing. I'm so tired of those day class girls. I tried everything else." Hanabusa shrugged, pulling his cousin closer. "Everything is possible in our world, Akatsuki. You can afford at least this little kiss, even though I want more...But just this one will be enough...at least for tonight." They kissed.

"You'll see, Akatsuki." Aido smiled into the kiss. "Don't be surprised if you catch Kaname-sama and that filth Kiryuu making out somewhere." he provided his cousin with this example, unaware how true it actually was.

Aido's last words shook the worlds of ones who were observing the scene. They both shuddered, mentally, and looked at each other, their arousals ebbed long ago, and their minds were sober. The only thing that remained in their systems was deep and undeniable shame. They parted without a word.

* * *

After the 'incident', they avoided each other for several days, but as the time passed, little by little, they picked up small conversations, went to hidden bookstores in secrecy, shared brief kisses in the dark, hidden corners of cafes, libraries, allies. They pretended as if they had never stopped being on good terms, that they had never experienced anything erotic, and just added several kisses and the fact that none of them uttered out loud--they were a couple now.

Somehow their days passed in doing such things, and skipping classes, of course, but nobody questioned that, since it had always been, well, normal when it came to them. Kaname was a responsible person who had to help Cross Kaien maintain piece between humans and vampires, and Zero was...Zero, who was too lazy to attend them.

The couple decided to forget just a little bit about how they were to hurt each other sometime in the future (it was inevitable, as we all know), possibly kill each other; to keep their resentments for themselves, and just act normally. They dated for two months, feeling absolute welfare, finding it easy to hide their relationship, to pretend to be the same old Kuran Kaname and Kiryuu Zero, thanks to the negative feelings. Perhaps it was ambivalence all along.

But no matter how much they tried to be people they weren't, the feeling of uneasiness never completely disappeared. There was some slight tension every now and then, especially when Zero had to take his fix, and when Kaname wanted to bite Zero (in order to taste Zero's love for him, but, of course, the younger didn't know that this was the reason Kaname wanted to bite him. He strictly kept his feelings for himself, and so was Zero). Sometimes, when they slept in Zero's room (they never slept in Kaname's, because the vampires would feel the hunter's presence. And no, they never had sex with each other (1) ), Kaname would try to bite him, but the long, silver gun would always be pointed at his forehead.

"Don't you even think about it." Zero would say. Kaname knew he always slept with one eye open. The uneasiness was always there. Even though they were together, they never fully trusted each other.

"Sleeping with one eye open." Kaname would reply. "True vampire hunter." he would hug Zero from behind, holding him tight, and fall asleep.

But still, they were somewhat happy in this dead end situation.

* * *

**TBC...**

(1) But they will! :D


	4. A Game for Adults

**AN:** I managed to finish this. Enjoy, and please **R&R!**

**Warnings:** Somewhat violent sex. If this offends you, please **do not read this!!!**

**You and I**

**Chapter 4: A Game for Adults**

Cross Kaien was not as oblivious as people thought he was. He was rather intelligent as to make people think of him that way, while he was, in fact, a man of wit, and nothing could escape his eye. Neither could Kaname's and Zero's peculiar behavior. Where people thought was normal for them to skip classes, Kaien found something fishy. They had been skipping them more frequently and at odd intervals, so it was easy for him to figure that they had been spending their time together. But he hadn't a clue that their _friendship_ wasn't friendship at all. Just this morning, Yagari-sensei told him something disturbing. The one eyed man had apparently witnessed the love scene between Kaname and Zero a couple of months ago, and finally decided to share his discovery with the Chairman.

You could consider Yagari as a Good Samaritan, although he would always say that he had been bored then, and just in order to amuse himself a bit, did he tell Kaien about homosexuality occurring at his precious academy. The truth was, he was very concerned about them, and he knew that someday he had to tell Kaien about it.

Cross gaped in bewilderment, but he collected soon after, frowning. He didn't have anything against homosexuality, but this case was very complicated, given the positions Kaname and Zero had in this particular society. They could never and would never mix. Cross could number hundreds of reasons. He was pretty much positive that Kaname, as one experienced and sensible individual, was aware of those reasons as well. He summoned him to his chambers, to discover exactly what was going on, what Kaname's thoughts on that were, and in which direction all of it was going.

Kaname was now sitting on the opposite side of his desk, looking all serene, as if there was nothing burdensome in his life.

"I am aware of everything that is to happen in the nearest future." He told Cross. But the older just shook his head, his face showing how worried he was. It looked so withered, not young and beautiful anymore. Not one of those refined features it once possessed was there.

"But, but…You are aware and you still sit here calmly, as if it were a natural thing!" he shook his head, then looked down, sighed, and looked at Kaname again. "You two are natural enemies. One way or another, you are going to hurt each other, despite all my efforts to prevent every excess that threatens to happen." There was a pause, and then Kaien leaned closer, looking straight into Kaname's dark orbs. "Are you even aware that it would be even harder if Zero-kun starts to develop feelings for you (which I find unlikely, but still)? What if _you_ yourself develop them?"

Kaname looked aside. He deeply admired and appreciated the man before him, deeming him very wise. He just sighed, and replied. "I think both of us are in love with each other. We can't do anything about it now."

"Kaname-kun…" Cross faltered, lowering his voice. This reminded him of cheap soap operas. "Are you sure about this?"

"I am sure, and I am serious about Kiryuu."

"B-but…"

"I think we established some rules. We did not say anything aloud, but we both know that one way or another, we will, in the end, return to our respective sides. So it really doesn't matter if we are together or not right now." Even though he looked like his usual self, Kaien could feel the shade of sorrow in his eyes.

"Someone foresaw that my future would be full of sorrow." Kaname said. "So this way of suffering is not bad at all, I presume." He sighed. The Chairman couldn't say anything, for there was nothing to be added in this angst-ridden moment. He just looked at Kaname, pitying him deep inside, and couldn't help but wonder if he should keep this a secret from the pupil of his eye, his precious Yuuki.

This heart-wrenching moment was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. A second after, Zero entered, closing the door behind.

"You summoned…" only then did he notice Kaname sitting before Kaien. "…me." His eyes narrowed. "What is he doing here?" he asked in a low voice. Kaname stood up as Zero approached him, standing beside him, practically burning holes into Cross' head, obviously demanding explanations.

Kaien, noticing the tension rising, smiled sheepishly, and then burst into series of silly gay-like chuckles, scratching the back of his head. When he stopped, he looked first at Kaname, then at Zero, and his look turned again towards Kaname.

"Yagari is such a gossip. It can't be helped." He said. "I have nothing against homosexuality or anything, but, as your principal, I must do something about it. Risky behavior can endanger your health, so some precautions are necessary, you see. "He fished something out of one of his drawers. "Here!" he placed two items on the table, one being a tube of lubricant, the other a pack of condoms. Cross seemed content, fulfilling his duty as a chairman. He was all smiles, his eyes full of wit. "Take good care of yourselves!"

Staring at those two items on Kaien's desk, Zero stood gaping, mortified. Kaname could barely suppress the chuckles that threatened to escape his mouth. Cross Kaien always knew how to deal with every situation. He had done this gesture in order to reduce tension. He always did it in a carefree, humorous way. This man was an enigma, a walking sack full of various tricks, illusions, and whatnot, all masked so well to look innocent. But Kaien knew what he was doing, even though one couldn't say just by looking at him. Kaname really enjoyed working with him on peace between vampires and humans. He genuinely admired him.

"I think we should leave now, Kiryuu." Kaname addressed his lover, and then turned to the Chairman. "Thank you for your time." He took the items, much to Zero's embarrassment, and put them in his pockets. They exited together.

* * *

Days went on, and neither spoke about Kaien's indirect suggestion. Little did the Chairman know that the two youths hadn't slept together yet. They often went out, as far as they could, taking long walks, without uttering a word, without holding hands, just plainly enjoying each other's company as much as possible. Chaste kisses were exchanged; not one day could pass without brushing hand against hand, 'accidentally', of course. Kaname was aware that Zero needed awfully much time, since he wasn't accustomed to any form of tenderness. He was a rather stiff, self-sufficient young man; an orphan who had lost so much love one dreadful night, and was given none ever since.

The nights they spent together, Kaname wanted to use them wisely, deciding to use one of his sides for this purpose, the side that loved Zero, and to concentrate on giving him nothing but pleasure. The white haired boy's back was always facing Kaname, and not often did Kaname have the chance to hug him from behind. Zero disliked it. But just imagining him, his creamy white skin, his timidity hidden beneath layers of arrogance, made Kaname burn with incredible desire; he was desperate to feel him up, to caress and tear that skin apart, ravish those thin, reproachful lips, properly fuck and be fucked into the mattress, on the spot, gently, hard, mercilessly,…he himself couldn't count the paradoxical feelings he harbored.

Zero's back, as usual, was facing him. The hunter's eyes were open, he could tell. His boyfriend was just blinking, staring at the gloom of the room, inhaling a surprisingly cold air, his white haired head resting on his hands. Kaname decided that it could no longer be postponed; he was positive that both of them needed much more intimacy than they already had, for they were males, after all. They had their urges, and given the fact that they were both in love with each other, sexual intercourse should be twice as sweet, Kaname calculated in his mind. Even though his moves were calm, his thoughts were frantic. He wasn't sure how to deal with Zero's shy self.

He had seen Zero many times naked, when he'd just gotten out of the shower; he remembered vividly, the firm body still wet, his hair damp and wild, going in all directions, his face dead serious as he wondered why Kaname looked as if he had swallowed a spoon. Zero had seen Kaname naked as well, and the vampire was sure that Zero could have never been indifferent to his bare skin. Actually, on many occasions, the vampire had been a witness to his partner's morning erections. Still, they had never at least jerked each other off.

Kaname wondered if it ever occurred to Zero to do at least that, but he presumed that the hunter found it humiliating or something. It was as if he were waiting to see who would give in first, which would be quite silly and childish, and Zero was no childish person by any means, Kaname concluded. They had never talked about sex or anything related to that. The older deduced that it would be the best if they just left it go at its pace. This night, however, he was at his limit. His chest threatened to explode, his belly too, from the amount of confusing, beautiful emotions.

Slowly, cautiously, he snaked his arm around Zero's waist, pulling himself closer to the younger. His lips played with the top of Zero's sensitive ear shell, taking it in, licking it and sucking so tenderly, and then releasing it with a silent smack. The other didn't utter a sound, and didn't protest. He just lay there still but his muscles were not stiff. He was somewhat relaxed and his body was pleasantly warm. The vampire buried his face in the white strands, warming it with his slow breath, going slowly down to nibble the earlobe and pull at the earrings. He could feel Zero shudder, but that was all.

The grip around Zero's waist tightened, in order to pull him closer. The younger could feel Kaname's arousal against the small of his back, and Kaname slowly rubbing it against him. The hardness of another boy reminded Zero of his own condition, but he wasn't sure what to do in this situation. He was aware of the tenseness that was rising, and knew very well what Kaname wanted. Hell, he himself wanted the same, but he was inexperienced with this kind of thing when it came to the same sex.

Zero had done 'it' many times with girls that didn't find him intimidating, quickly finishing the job, sending his partners over the edge as well, and never looking back. He never cared how the other party felt; he was just satisfying his carnal desires, and that had nothing to do with how he really felt. He knew, that night, that it was neither place nor time to think about morality. Bad at words as he was, he doubted that he could convey his feelings through sex either. So he just waited to see what Kaname wanted to do, and to react if necessary. He still couldn't decide whether to be gentle or rough.

Kaname was kissing his neck now, burying his nose deeper, moving his lips in a kissing manner, maneuvering with his tongue skillfully, massaging the neck with it in circular motions, pressing himself harder against Zero's back. His hand was running up the white haired buy's forearm, going up until it reached his chin. He yanked Zero's chin slightly, and said boy turned his face toward Kaname's, which was resting on his shoulder. They locked their lips in a short kiss, after which Zero completely turned on his back, placing his large hands around Kaname's neck and pulling him into a deeper, demanding kiss. Just like the first time they'd kissed, Kaname's tongue made its way through, reaching almost to the back of Zero's mouth, making the younger's throat to convulse a bit, but he didn't care. Actually, he didn't have time to care, since he was preoccupied with moving his lips in synchrony with Kaname's, at first slowly, then faster and faster. The hand of the older found its way underneath Zero's shirt, exploring with great interest the skin there, that flat chest, sensitive nipples, and beautiful abdominal muscles.

Soon after, Kaname was completely on top of Zero, still kissing him, desperately trying to get rid of the unnecessary garments in the process. Zero was doing the same, with great effort, eager to explore, to feel and absorb, to take a deep breath and inhale Kaname's intoxicating fragrance, of which he felt pleasantly dizzy. He rolled his eyes, grinding their arousals against each other. His hands found their way to Kaname's bottom, pressing it down with all his might, making him sink deeper and make better friction, losing all sense of logic.

When they finally remained naked, Kaname stopped kissing him, and lifted his head up to look at Zero. Judging by the reflection in Zero's eyes, and his dazed, flushed expression, he knew that the things they were about to do were consensual. He stroked the red cheek of the boy he loved in reassurance, leaning down to claim his lips one more time. He let go, still kneeling between Zero's legs, sizing him up, admiring every curve of his body, and a powerful throbbing member of average size. He licked his lips in delight, somewhat surprised by his own actions (he never thought that he could get excited when seeing another man naked). Unexpectedly, he grasped Zero's length, jerking him off with fast moves of his hand, enjoying the perplexed expression on Zero's face, which was mixing with his dazedness and some form of…insolence, perhaps. He held the member tightly in his grasp, pushing the foreskin all the way down, forcefully, not enough to hurt, only to bring the highest pleasure. Zero grunted, closing his eyes.

That pleasure didn't last long, and was soon replaced by something cold and wet invading his anus. Zero's eyes snapped open, feeling the sudden flash of pain, the same one from that night, when Kaname'd fucked him with his fingers, damp with blood and saliva. He grunted, tugging Kaname's arms. He didn't dare admit himself that he was horrified by this new experience, and that his cock wasn't much hard anymore. The thing he hated was that he wasn't dominant now, and was about to be penetrated even worse. It stung his pride as a strong, capable male. From one point, he regarded this situation as some kind of a competition, and currently he was losing to his greatest rival, Kuran Kaname.

But the penetration was inevitable, and Kaname pushed himself inside, selfishly, his mind blank, unable to comprehend what was going on around him. Zero didn't want to face him; he grabbed the vampire and pulled his head down by force, making him breathe into his ear. His grip on Kaname was tight, almost desperate, with his strong legs wrapped around the other's waist, helping him accelerate. Kaname was going deeper and harder, and Zero was encouraging him to go faster. The creaking of the bed didn't stop the pureblood; he was knocking his lover hard and mercilessly, sighing and grunting, clutching the sheets with one hand, and forcefully removing Zero's hand from the back of his neck.

He looked at Zero, who turned his face away, eyes firmly shut, face bright red, forehead and snow white bangs damp with sweat. It was evident that he didn't enjoy it, yet he was too proud to make any compromises, to voice his pain, to say anything. Zero had chosen the harder way, as usual.

Kuran couldn't stop himself at that point, violating Zero's insides, feeling him tighten around his cock, his breathing discontinued as well, followed by heavy grunts. The penis that was resting on that flat belly was painfully hard now, and Zero wrapped his arms around Kaname, yet he didn't dare to open his eyes. The sight of Zero, obviously enjoying not the massaging of his prostate, but the strong pain, was tugging at Kaname's heart. Zero was in his ecstatic trance, barely suppressing grunts and moans. His muscles weren't as stiff as at the beginning, but were rather relaxed, as he was writhing under Kaname, his entire body reddish, sinews on his neck visible, his body shivering as if in fever. Kaname's cock was going all the way in, ramming into him harder and harder, that he thought that the prostate would come out through Zero's mouth. The thought was dreadful, but his thrusts were so powerful. Suddenly, his muscles started convulsing, and he released several strong spurts of semen into his (former) enemy.

Words weren't spoken after this clumsy intercourse. Kaname was pinned down by Zero only moments after, penetrated hard (in revenge?), and fucked senseless, that it felt like he would be torn apart. Facedown, he let Zero knock him hard, partly enjoying this game of suffering, pain, and some sort of humiliation. It didn't matter. He loved the sweaty, trembling body above him, he loved that brute strength, the strange mixture of anger, love, hatred, and a tad of sadism and masochism. Blood was pouring down his thighs, and was soon licked by Zero, together with his own seed. The boy then collapsed next to Kaname, and they fell asleep sordid, feeling empty.

* * *

The next morning, a large bruise could be found in Kaname's lower region, and he was still lying facedown, half-awake now, unable to move. Zero himself was hurting, and could barely prop himself up on one elbow. He scrutinized Kaname's bruise, partly feeling guilty for marring such beautiful back, and partly feeling glad because he'd been fucked hard as well. Hesitantly, he reached his arm out and touched the bruise, making circular motions with his fingertips in order to massage it and make it less painful. It didn't feel pleasant, somehow, to see Kaname in pain. With a tender care of a lover, he continued his ministrations, while Kaname was looking at him through half opened eyes, reminiscing the previous night, their clumsy, violent lovemaking, and comparing it with this small gesture of love, Zero's kind face expression, and marked this in his mind as their first true moment of tenderness.

* * *

**AN:** There you have it I think it's a bit shallow, but it's up to you to decide if it actually is. I hope you liked it. I think there will be more tender and emotional lovemaking, not lemon, in next chapter(s).


	5. Paradox

**AN:** Well, guys, this is it. Sorry for not posting earlier, but I was busy.

**Warning(s):** Maybe some OOC, but I don't know for sure. I think I did it right. You tell me.

Please do enjoy! Feedback is much appreciated! :)

**You and I**

**Chapter 5: Paradox**

"_Life always brings misfortune in great times of happiness"_

Their little 'problem' they ignored very well could be also called 'paradox', instead of 'ambivalence'. It was not that they didn't love each other. It was not that they didn't hate one another, either. It was both of it, and in some way, it was in their nature. It was their very essence, the both elements of love and hatred. It had little to nothing to do with their emotional state. It was just their organism that wanted to choose the best for them.

Both Kaname and Zero balanced between those polar opposites, randomly suppressing one, then another, in which order they found suitable. For instance, in public, they exchanged heated glances, truly, fiercely hating each other to the point they wanted to kill each other on the spot. In the town, however, or in Zero's private chambers, they preferred to show their tender side, shuddering at the thought of their very first sex. It had been violent, but necessary. They'd been desperate; the pieces didn't fit, and they had to make them be compatible in all ways possible.

The peaceful time had come, and the boys didn't want to know how long it would last. The only thing important to them was that it was there. When they made love, they liked to change styles and switch positions; they liked it slow and tender, and hard and fast in the combination they chose. They never really talked about it. Everything they did was spontaneous, and despite the fact that they didn't have quite much time, for the tension between humans and vampires had gotten worse (given the fact that they had been waiting for Rido's revival), they liked to do everything at their pace. But the time was merciless. Kaname thought hard about it. He was trying to find the reasons to destroy their little paradise, before somebody or something else took it from them. It was inevitable, anyway.

So our pureblood came to conclusion that Zero had started hanging out with Yuuki quite often, again. And that he still loved her. And that, probably, he had the intention of cheating on him, which didn't appeal to him at all; he was the one to marry Yuuki and do what had to be done, in order to have the pureblood offspring. On the other hand, his love for Zero, his pure, but tainted heart, his cowardly yet bold personality, his timidity and insolence, in one word, his paradoxical being, was driving him insane. He wanted to monopolize him…No. He wanted to monopolize both of them. He wanted to have them both, although for different purposes. Kaname knew that it would be unfair to Zero. If Kaname wanted to have them both, why couldn't Zero wish the same?

He was moving slowly, feeling Zero's arms wrap around him tighter. The younger was pulling him closer, sealing his lips with a short, loving kiss. Kaname closed his eyes, burying his nose in Zero's damp locks, enjoying the pleasant heat of his lover, and listening to his quiet grunts of pleasure. This night he decided to do it slow, since they both felt too tired to do anything radical. But it was not just that. The both boys felt too sorrowful, too drained to feel anger and frustration they usually felt when they were sad. Melancholy wrapped its tentacles around their necks, preventing the sobs to come out, preventing them to shed tears, to comfort each other with words that wouldn't come out anyway. Their _other_, barbaric nature always made sure to regulate their outbursts of tenderness. They were boys, after all.

Zero allowed himself to sigh and moan a bit, as quietly as possible, for it was enjoyable. He wanted to show his lover that he loved it. Kaname's soothing warmth always reassured him that he belonged to somebody, at least temporarily. His eyes were half-open, but he wasn't fully conscious. He could feel under his fingers the smooth skin of another boy, wet and warm. The boy was shivering, Zero felt, and was ready for his release. In order to encourage him, he hugged him tighter, overwhelmed with joy he felt with each Kaname's thrust. The very idea of Kaname releasing his semen into him made his mind go blank, and he himself shivered slightly, his breathing discontinued.

With one muffled moan, Kaname came and pulled out of his love. He lay beside Zero, still panting. He felt his heart was empty, for even _this_ primitive thing couldn't keep them together any longer. Just a few more days or weeks, and they would be on their old sides. Although his body couldn't move anymore, his brain kept on thinking about positive aspects of this couldn't forget the primary purpose of letting Zero, that vulgar, violent brat who had always hated him, live. His only purpose was to be a decoy, while he ran far, far away with his bride. Zero was strong; Kaname had confidence in him; he knew that he could only grow stronger after all that. Both of them would survive this bloody, unnecessary, sick war, but they would live a rather miserable existence. He knew that he could never get rid of his love for Zero, nor could he get rid of his strong negative emotions and vice versa. They would be both such emotional cripples, and them being apart would only fuel their hostility to one another.

Kaname couldn't possibly know that Zero knew he was up to something, but couldn't determine what. He had decided to follow Yuuki in order to protect her, having no clue as to what would happen. He wasn't in love with her or anything; he had long ago established his resentment.

* * *

The depression took a strong grip on them, in the following days. They just lay motionless on Zero's bed, on their backs, in disarrayed school uniforms, staring at the ceiling. They didn't exchange a word; they just stared somewhere, bidding their silent farewell. Not that Zero actually believed it would happen (at least not so soon), mind you.

Once a strong person, Kaname hated seeing himself in state of emotional decay. Now that they had started acting like a real couple outside the Academy, they had to go separate ways. He couldn't stand the possibility of losing this relationship that made him fulfilled and understood. Zero never said much, but everything he'd said had perfect sense. They talked normally; they read so many books together; they kissed and made love; sometimes they went shopping, went camping, did whatever they pleased, with a little help from Yagari (who, aside of calling Zero an idiot, called him 'fag' as well) and ever caring Cross Kaien.

He had to make it less painful by adding pain into the equation; good old paradox, he knew. He had to prepare both Zero and himself for the events that were soon to happen. He could as well just hate Zero for all he cared. Nothing had sense anymore. Little did Zero know that Kaname would treat him coldly very soon. He looked at his lover, who was listlessly staring at the stupid gray ceiling.

"Is something wrong, Kuran?" he asked. Golden brown rays of light painted the room in bright color; pleasant warmth bathed their bodies. Kaname looked at Zero, choosing not to reply. He leaned over his soon-to-be-former lover instead, nuzzling his neck, and then sharing with him a deep, tender kiss.

That last day of bliss, they symbolically made love under the magnificent sunlight that illuminated Zero's usually dark room. It made Kaname smile all the while. He liked that coincidence, knowing that it would be engraved in his memory as long as the eternity lasted, for he was, as we all know, immortal.

* * *

It would be an understatement to say that Kaname wasn't glad to have returned to his old self. He was enchanted that he could be sacrosanct again. It all started the next day, when he told Zero that he was fed up with him, that from that point on, they would be the enemies they used to be. Many people thought that Kaname hadn't gone out of his character, but that would be untrue. No matter how much he tried, his _other_, loving side could never be suffocated. Zero was too much of a great man to be unloved and ignored. It was his love for Zero that made him do this; it was the harder, but inevitable way to set him free. Kaname deemed himself unworthy of Zero. His incestual nature was so dreadful in his eyes. That's the reason why Zero was so important to him; he was the only one to make one endlessly proud, arrogant, and almighty pureblood be ashamed of himself.

Through many encounters, they proved themselves that they were ready to carry on, to bear the burden of sorrow that had been their legacy. It was then that Kaname became friendly towars Yuuki again, seducing her, making her his 'girlfriend', and making Zero watch all of that. You may think that he was jealous of Kaname, but you would be wrong. He was jealous of Yuuki, who could be near his former lover.

Such a sudden turn of events caused great bitterness in Zero's heart. He was aware of the fact that it was inevitable for them to part ways; however, he didn't expect that it would happen so suddenly, without almost any warning. He was fighting against Kaname with all his might; he sided with Yuuki once again, but not so much to protect her, as to make Kaname bitter and hurt. He wanted to punish him for breaking up so harshly.

'I shouldn't have left myself be lulled into this dream', he thought. 'I was aware of all dangers, but I didn't want to listen to my mind. I originally believed that, if we were bound to suffer anyway, it didn't matter if we started a relationship or not. But...somehow...I didn't want it to end. I indulged too much...' Yet he was still allowed to take Kaname's blood.

Kaname was harsh, beating him to a pulp and making him hungrier and hungrier for blood by smelling his own, filthy red fluid. Then he would drink it greedily. He couldn't help but notice that he had fallen even lower than before. He was the lowest of the low now, almost a Level E.

'Why, why do you still allow me to drink this precious thing?' he wondered, sprawled out on the ground, in times of great despair, wanthing nothing else but die right there and then. 'You said you did it only for Yuuki's sake, but why do I always feel the remnants of your love, of your devotion, of such things that are reasons for me drinking it? What is it, then, Kuran?' Zero wanted to believe that Kaname wanted to trick him, but he was aware that blood never lied.

With Kaname, he had forgotten the fact that he was just a collateral damage, a monster that Shizuka had made out of pure whim. He had forgotten that he was a suitable weapon against Rido; such a rare breed, such a unique, terrible demon, half-human, vampire hunter and a vampire himself. Such a dreadful, shameful mixture. With him, it was possible to throw astray all the bitterness and be what he wanted to be—just a normal man who loved this and that, just small pleasures of life. He never expected anything great to happen; he'd always been looking forward to small, meaningless things, such as a cup of hot chocolate in the evenings. All he wanted was to be ordinary. 'I could be everything with him' he thought. 'Why am I in wonder, when I knew the outcome?' his life held no value. He didn't have any other purpose than to be left out, forgotten, all alone, and unloved. 'Why should I live?'

He was drowning in self-pity when Ichiro came, to give his life to him, to his bewilderment. He thought that his twin brother hated him. But Ichiro felt remorse, and came. And Zero held him tightly in his arms, crying his heart out. He wanted a reunion so desperately, but never his brother's death. Ichiro sacrificed for him, giving him a reason to live. 'I've been observing you this whole time. Don't let those bastards play with you' the weaker twin mused. He gave him his blood, his heart and soul, a new hope. With Ichiro inside him, he would never be alone again. And Zero rose. And defeated everybody. And evolved. For there were two lives residing within that body now. It had all happened unexpectedly, but the ray of light was there, and Zero was smart enough not to ask questions. It didn't matter anymore.

He silently watched Yuuki and Kaname leave with their 'servants' in tow, after the great battle. Zero was still a monster in his own eyes. But this time, he hoped, he could overcome every obstacle. At least someone felt deep remorse. At least someone came and sacrificed, truly did something for him. The only thing he was proud of was his blood and his memory of Kiryuu Ichiro.

But the battle was far from over. He saw Kaname stop. The older turned around, looking at Zero with the look the hunter had never seen before. Kaname's eyes were lamenting something. Zero wanted to smirk, but refrained.

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
